


Out Of Touch

by queenofdeansbooty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 01:30:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14842997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofdeansbooty/pseuds/queenofdeansbooty
Summary: You and Dean used to be so close until one day he kicked you out of his life without any warnings. He didn’t even know you were pregnant. You spend the next 8 years without him. You didn’t need him then and you don’t need him now.





	Out Of Touch

“Anything good in there?” Dean asked when he walked into the war room where Sam currently resided. Sam typed away on his laptop, the beer next to him hadn’t even been opened.

“Yeah, I got something a few states away. A local woman drowned in her childhood home.”

“How is that our thing?” Dean asked.

“She was sleeping in her bed when it happened. Her lungs were filled with salt water and her bed wasn’t even wet.”

“Yeah, that is our thing.” Dean nodded and took a sip of his beer. Silence covered the brothers saved for Sam’s typing until he suddenly stopped.

“You know what today is?” Sam asked his brother. Dean looked confused and was about to ask what when a look of realization came over his face.

“It was for the best, Sammy, you know that.” He sighed.

“You loved her.”

“And? She wasn’t cut out for the job and she needed to leave.”

“Okay, I know that we haven’t been at the Bunker for that long but when we found it, you could have called her and let her come back. She could have stayed here out of harm’s way.”

“It was too late. The things I said to her… She probably hates me. Besides, she’s probably out living her life, maybe has a family and could be married for all I know.” Dean shrugged.

“You could still take those things back.” Sam pleaded, missing your smile, the way you carried yourself. You were one of his best friends and it broke his heart when you left.

“No, I can’t. I said some pretty nasty stuff back then. I wanted to break her heart so she would leave because if she stayed, I would have gotten her killed and I’d rather her hate me and be alive than dead. Hardest fucking thing I had to do.” Dean shook his head.

“Right,” Sam whispered and sighed. Today was the anniversary of the day you left the Winchesters. You were madly in love with Dean and thought life was going well for the two of you until one day, he decided to say some terrible things to you, breaking your heart. You left crying and he hasn’t seen you since. You weren’t cut out for hunting. You couldn’t aim that well, couldn’t even harm a fly and he knew if you hunted with him, you would constantly be in danger and you didn’t deserve that.

Dean made you feel worthless that day. He said you were a burden to him and Sam and that you would be better off if you left. He said you couldn’t hunt and with no amount of training, you would never be as good as him and Sam so you should quit before you got killed. It killed you to hear this come from his mouth because you knew the kind of person he was. You knew there was a reason he was saying these things to you but it didn’t make it any easier.

You left that night, 8 years ago, crying your eyes out because the man you loved and you knew he loved you back had told you he didn’t want you anymore. It was the worst night of your life and there hadn’t been a day that went by that you weren’t thinking of Dean. You were always on Dean’s mind and he wished he could take back what he said, to have you in his arms again but it was too late. He ruined something pure and good and turned it sour.

“Come on, Sam, you know it was for the best,” Dean said, looking at his brother.

“I know. You did what you had to do. I just wish you didn’t.” Sam sighed. Dean was about to say something when his phone rang. He shook his head and answered it, putting it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Yes, is this Mr. Snyderson?” A woman on the other line asked. Dean’s eye went wide which caught Sam’s attention. The only time that name was ever used is if someone was in the hospital, say, Sam, Bobby, or whoever. It’s the name Dean used as a signal that someone he cared about was in the hospital. But Sam was right next to him, Bobby was dead and he just talked to Jody and everything was fine with her and the girls.

“Yes, this is Mr. Snyderson,” Dean said and Sam disregarded his research to see who was on the other line. He knew that code word as well.

“Yeah, I’m sorry to say this but you’re the only person on Ms. Y/L/N’s contact sheet. She’s been in a terrible accident…” The nurses’ voice faded when he realized who she was talking about. After 8 years, he never heard a word from you until now and he learns you’re in the hospital because of a car crash.

“Um, of course, I’ll be there. What hospital is she in?” Dean asked. After the nurse told him and everything he needed to know, he hung up.

“What happened?” Sam asked as Dean got up.

“It’s Y/N. She’s in the hospital.” Sam stood up and he grabbed his jacket hanging over the back of his chair.

“It’s okay, I’m sure she’s alright.” Sam tried to assure his brother.

“They wouldn’t tell me over the phone what happened. I mean they say she was in a car crash but not about her injuries or if she’s even alive.” Dean froze at the possibility of you being dead.

“Dean, she’s okay. Come on, we’ll go see her.” Sam said, walking to the Impala with his brother. The whole ride there was tense. Everything going on in Dean’s head was bad. He kept thinking about you dead and how heartbroken he would be if that were true. He kept thinking that if you were alive, how much you would hate him for what he said. He was only trying to protect you. He didn’t want you dying because of him. You were too special to be in this life and he wanted you to have everything you ever wanted.

When Dean got to the hospital, he got out and walked inside with Sam.

“Hi, I got a call about Y/N Y/L/N.” Dean said to the nurse.

“Yes, she was just brought in.”

“Is she…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence and judging by the look on his face, the nurse quickly assured him.

“No, she isn’t dead. She is doing quite well for her injuries. I’ll call her doctor and you can discuss it with him.” She smiled and called the doctor over.

“See? She isn’t dead.” Sam said, patting his brother’s back.

“She’ll hate me. She won’t want to see me.”

“Dean, stop it. It’s been 8 years.”

“Mr. Snyderson?” Dean looked up to see an older doctor walk to him. He and Sam walked over and the doctor shook their hands. “I’m Doctor Nate Kirby.”

“How is she?” Dean asked. Doc Kirby began walking with him to your room.

“She broke her leg and a few ribs. She does have minor cuts and bruises along her body but the main thing I’m concerned with is the gashes across her left leg. Three of them as if something were clawing at her. It doesn’t fit in with the car crash and I’m wondering if she was escaping from something or someone or… I don’t know. We’ll have to ask her when she wakes up.”

“Wait, she hasn’t woken up yet?” Dean asked.

“No, she’s being heavily sedated for the pain so I’d say she’ll be out for a while and then we’ll get the real story about what happened. I don’t think she’ll be up but you’re welcome to wait in the room while I get her x-rays and stuff.” The doctor smile and stopped outside of your room before walking away.

“You think she was in a car crash?” Sam whispered.

“She wouldn’t be hunting. She was terrible at it. Maybe someone else was in the car with her and tried to get her but she escaped?” Dean whispered back before opening the door. The first thing he saw was you, your right leg in a cast, half of your chest was in a cast that connected to your right arm. Bruises and minor cuts covered your face and parts of your other leg. He couldn’t see the gash marks because you were covered in a blanket.

The next thing he saw was a small child by your bed, holding your good hand. Dean’s eyes widened when he found himself staring at… himself. The little boy next to you looked exactly like Dean when he was a kid.

“Dean, that kid looks exactly like you,” Sam whispered in his ear.

“Who are you?” Dean found himself saying. Sam closed the door and looked at the young boy.

“My name is Carter. Who are you?” The little boy asked, shuffling closer to you.

“Dean and Sam Winchester. We’re Y/N’s friends that came by to see how she is doing.”

“My mommy doesn’t have any friends.” Dean looked at his brother before looking at the small child.

“How old are you?”

“8.” Dean couldn’t help but think this was his kid. Carter looks exactly like Dean when he was a child and he was 8, the exact number of years ago you left.

“Carter, why do you say your mom doesn’t have any friends?” Sam asked, walking closer to you.

“Mommy and I only have enemies. Some monsters tried to take us but my mommy fought hard to protect me. I told the doctors this but they didn’t believe me.” Dean looked at his brother again. So, you were hunting and a monster did this to you but why? Why were you hunting when you sucked at it? Why would you involve a child in this life?

“Well, Carter, we believe you. See, we’re monster hunters. We fight the bad guys like your mom.” Sam said, walking closer to the young boy. Carter backed away from Sam but Sam put his hands out in defense. “I won’t hurt you.”

“Mommy said I shouldn’t trust anyone.” Dean stared at Carter, not being able to see anyone but himself. He behaved this way with his own dad but he was trying to protect Sam instead.

“That’s good advice. But see, we’re friends with her. She used to hunt with us. You can trust us. Have you seen this symbol before?” Sam asked, pulling down his shirt to show the little boy the anti-possession symbol.

“Mommy has that mark. She gave me a necklace to always wear.” He said, showing Sam the same thing.

“Yeah, that’s good. See, we’re not monsters. You can trust us.” Carter nodded at Sam’s words. Dean caught Sam’s eye and motioned him out in the hallway. Sam got up and followed him out into the hallway. After the door is closed, that is when Dean started talking.

“That kid looks exactly like me.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw the first moment I walked in. Does that mean…?”

“No, she would have told me if she were.” Dean shook his head.

“Are you sure? With the way you spoke to her last, I would be surprised if she kept this from you.”

“I missed 8 years of my son’s life because I decided to be a fucking asshole to her.” Dean got pissed at himself.

“Look, why don’t we wait until she wakes up and we can talk to her then,” Sam suggested. Dean sighed and leaned against the wall, all kinds of thoughts racing through his mind.

* * *

Your eyes fluttered open despite being sedated on pain medication.

“Mommy?” You turned your head and saw your little boy staring at you with tears in his eyes.

“Hi, baby. Mommy’s okay.” You smiled and lifted your good hand to run it through his hair.

“Mommy you have visitors.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked. You didn’t have any friends but then the door opened and you turned your head to see the one person who broke your fucking heart 8 years ago. Dean fucking Winchester walked into the room and all at once, every emotion you felt since he forced you to leave came rushing back.

“Get out.” You tried to be intimidating.

“Y/N, please.”

“Get out!” You yelled louder, pressing the button for the nurse.

“Come on, Dean.” Sam urged him.

“No, Sam. Y/N please, let me explain.” Dean pleaded but a male nurse came into the room and you looked at him.

“I want them out.” You said to him and he nodded, looking at Sam and Dean.

“You heard her. She wants to be alone. Come on, you can wait in the lobby.” The male nurse ushered them out and closed the door behind them. You looked at Dean through the window with tears in your eyes. You let a few fall just as he walked out of view, pain evident through his features.

“Mommy, I thought they were your friends. They had the demon symbol on them.” Carter said. You sighed and looked at your son.

“They were my friends, baby. Not anymore. Dean made that clear when he kicked me out of his life for good.” You closed your eyes at the painful memories and suddenly, your physical injuries didn’t feel so bad compared to the emotional trauma you have.

“Why did he do that?”

“I don’t know. I wish I knew.” You whispered. You knew Sam didn’t deserve to be iced out like that and you wanted him back. You looked at your son to see him staring at you with wide eyes.

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked and he enthusiastically nodded.

“You know the tall one? The man with the long hair?”

“Yeah, he showed me his tattoo! It’s the one you have!”

“Yes, that’s right. Want to go get him for me? But only him, okay? I don’t want the other man.”

“You got it, mommy.” He smiled and got out of his chair and left the room. You took a deep breath and winced when your ribs hurt. That wendigo really got you. Your leg hurt so much from where he sunk his claws into it. You were brought out of your thoughts when the door opened and your son was holding hands with his uncle. You looked at Sam and gave him a small smile.

“Hi, Sam.” You whispered.

“Hi Y/N.” Sam closed the door and you were glad Dean wasn’t with him. Sam took a seat by your bed while Carter took his seat on the other side of you. “Long time no see.”

“What happened?” Sam asked, referring to your accident.

“It was a Wendigo. Carter and I were camping. I didn’t know he was out there until my son disappeared. I didn’t have any weapons with me.”

“You fought a wendigo barehanded?” Sam gasped.

“He took my son. There was no question. I had to protect him.” You looked down.

“Is Carter…?”

“Your nephew, yes. He’s Dean’s son.” You confessed.

“I have an uncle! Cool! Is my daddy out there?” Carter asked.

“Why are you here, Sam?” You ignored your son for now.

“Why are we here? You’re in the hospital and you have to ask that question?”

“You guys didn’t care about me 8 years ago. This isn’t my first broken bone either. I’ve stitched myself up plenty of times without you. Why would you care about me now?” You had ice in your voice.

“Y/N, Dean was just protecting you…”

“No, he wasn’t! He told me I was worthless, that I was never going to be a good hunter. Well, guess what, I managed just fine. I’m a better hunter than I was before because I had to protect my son. I would do anything for him because I love him but Dean didn’t love me. He tossed me aside like I was nothing and I was pregnant, Sam. I was just going to tell him and you the good news and that’s when he kicked me out. He doesn’t care about me or about his son otherwise I wouldn’t have left!” You looked over to your son but he wasn’t there.

“Carter?” You panicked and looked around the room. You tried getting up but pain shot through your body. You cried out in pain and Sam put his hands on your shoulders and laid you back down gently.

“I’ll find him,” Sam said but the door opened and both of you looked to see Carter hand in hand with Dean as he dragged his dad in the room.

“I found my daddy!” Carter smiled. You got tears and looked at Dean. He was blurry but you didn’t care.

“Why don’t I take Carter and let you two talk, okay?” Sam said but you grabbed his wrist with your good hand. “Don’t worry, he’s safe with me.” You nodded and let go of him. Sam walked over to Carter and took his hand.

“Come on, let’s let your mommy and daddy talk okay?” Sam said and walked out of the room with your son. Now it was just you and Dean, the one person who despite what he has said and done to you, you still loved him. You loved him so much and you hated yourself for it.

“Dean, whatever you have to say, forget it. I don’t want to hear it.” You said bitterly.

“Please, Y/N. Let me explain.”

“Explain what, Dean? That you threw me out like trash even though I loved you? That you left me all alone? That I had to raise our son without you? That I mean so little to you?” You glared at him.

“No, that’s not true. I loved you more than any woman I’ve ever met. I was nothing until I met you. You  _are_  the love of my life.”

“Then why? Why did you do that? What did I do to you?”

“You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. I did what I did to protect you. You deserved better than what I could offer you. You were new to hunting and… people die when they know me. I’d rather have you hate me and be alive than be dead because of me.”

“You’re so considerate, Dean. I’m glad you made that decision without me.” You glared at him.

“Please, you have to believe me. I love you so much. You are something special and you deserved to have someone to come home to every day, have a family with him and just be happy. I couldn’t give that to you.”

“You just described the life I had with you, Dean. I don’t want any of that fruity bullshit because I wouldn’t have that with you. You broke my heart Dean and I had to learn how to hunt without you. I had to learn to be a mother, trying to protect my son from the monsters that constantly threatened his life. It was so hard when he was a baby. He had to grow up in this life just like you but you know what? I will never be John. I never gave him a gun. I told him what he needed to know in case I wasn’t around. You know how heartbreaking it is when I don’t think I’ll make it back to my son? No, you don’t because you were too coward to face your own feelings and kicked me out. I don’t need you, Dean. I can handle life without you.”

“Please Y/N, I am so sorry,” Dean said, letting the tears that accumulated over your speech, fall. “I don’t know what I can say to make this better.”

“There isn’t anything you can say. I just want my son back. Please leave.” You whispered.

“Y/N…” He whispered.

“Just go, Dean. Please.” He sighed and got up, wiping the tears away.

“Where will you stay? They’ll release you soon…” Dean asked when he got to the door.

“I’ll manage. I’ve been doing it for 8 years.” You answered and he sighed, exiting the room. Sam saw and let your son run back into the room.

“Well?” Sam asked, seeing the look on his brother’s face.

“She hates me,” Dean said, his voice breaking.


End file.
